The Struggle of a Praying Wife
As I watched my husband leave for school, early Sunday morning, my heart broke. I wanted to pour out my heart to God, but I simply had no words left.
The truth is, over the last 3 years we have become complacent to the miracles & blessings God has bestowed upon us. It’s not that we don’t love them or embrace them, but that we had stopped seeing & cherishing them. They were there, but we had closed our eyes to the miracle behind the miracle. We took them for granite.
And now, as the end of dental school draws near it appears that we have lost the light at the end of the tunnel.
We have been rocked out of our complacency & forced to choose. Choose between believing in the ability of self or complete surrender & dependence on God.
While the choice is clear & would be an easy one for a child with little faith, it tends to be easier said than done.
I know that God created my husband to succeed. He is a hard worker, diligent, & excellent at dentistry, but this isn’t enough, especially now.
So much is out of our control. I keep repeating to myself (& Roger) Philippians 1:6, but doubt has crept in, & Roger finally vocalized a fear we share.
My eyes tear up & nose tingle as I think about it… What if these past few years were just a life lesson. Something we needed to journey through that would lead to some other unknown path.
However, I can’t let myself linger in these doubts & fears. I have known, since the day Roger called me with his DAT scores that God has a plan for Roger in dentistry. And once I remember that, it becomes a little easier to recall the ways God has blessed him in the dental field over the last several years.
But lets be honest, there is no magic pill to get over fear & uncertainty of the future. God has given Roger the talent, skills, & capabilities, but what happens between now & graduation (& beyond) is out of our control. And we will only find peace if we learn to trust God completely.
It’s not going to be easy, but we can either accept the peace God gives those who hand it over to Him or allow the stress & uncertainty to eat away at us. It has already taken away our sleep, next will be our health.
The problem is that I have allowed this fear & uncertainty to eat away at me. My prayers have become more desperate as I seek faith & guidance for myself & my husband. While my husband’s faith is tested I need to stand strong in my own for support (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12), but in the last few weeks mine too has become shaky.
But that’s when I must remember the last line in verse 12,”A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” I must remember that even when our faith is weak our God is strong (Psalm 27:1 & Psalm 138:3). Even when we have lost the ability for words in prayer our God can read our heart & give us peace (Isaiah 26:3 & John 16:33). And even when we think we can’t hold on anymore, God will never let us go (Isaiah 41:13)!
Although the coming weeks & months will be a continual roller coaster, & my emotions might follow suit, I know that God has a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11). I must simply immerse myself in His word & pray for peace & guidance in our lives.
With love, G
For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand,
Saying to you,
Fear not, I will help you!
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