When God blesses someone else & you feel left out & uncertain about your own life.
Does it ever feel like your the odd one out? That God keeps blessing & guiding other’s, while you’re over here like, “Hey God, I know you are busy, but please don’t forget about me too.”
Yes, I realize that I am blessed beyond belief & I praise God for those blessings. Simply by living in the country I live in, with a roof over my head, & food on the table makes me blessed. But I would be a lying hypocrite if I didn’t say that sometimes I feel jealous of others. Dare I say, even of my husband?
No, I’m not jealous of Roger’s new job, that he makes more money than me, or that he can easily reach anything on the top shelf, but often I feel left out as I see God blessing & guiding his life. And while I logically know that his blessings are our blessings as we are “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), but there is still a part of me that feels forgotten because I can clearly (visibly) see God leading & directing Roger’s life, more clearly than in my own.
As I think back over our last 9 years, especially these last 6 that involved the DAT, dental school, & jobs, & as I look at what God is doing currently in Roger’s life, it is as plain as day that God has a plan for his life, even when he himself loses sight of it from time to time. And while I am very happy for him & of him, I can’t help but wonder when some of it will rub off on me.
Growing up I believed my purpose in life wasn’t to climb a corporate (or social) ladder, but rather to be a good mother & supportive wife to my husband (I’ve written more on my belief on these subjects here (submission) & here (career)). And while I try to be a good wife to my husband, part of my “purpose” feels amiss.
I always thought we would have our first child before my husband finished dental school & our second one 2 years later. But for one reason or another, we have not yet been blessed with the joy of children. And I’m left feeling hurt & confused as if I’m missing 2 children I never had.
Most days a birth or pregnancy announcement doesn’t affect me too much. I’m always happy for their new blessing & praise God for their new bundle of joy. And sometimes, after a few announcements, it’s easier to laugh & eat a dozen donuts than to cry. But some days are just hard, especially after a week full of announcements that fill your Facebook feed.
It’s not that I believe “The grass is always greener on the other side.” or the comeback “They need to water their own grass.” Because the truth is, we are each uniquely blessed by God. The problem is that we spend so much of our time peeping into other people’s life (social media stalking), that we forget the solid, yet soft ground upon which we stand in Christ.
As I mentioned last week in my post A Letter of Encouragement to Those Who Are Not Mothers on Mother’s Day, I am daily striving to stop looking at others & to start focusing on the blessings God has given me now. I don’t want to miss out on the amazing blessings He has already given me because I am too busy desiring more.
God has lovingly bestowed on all of us more than our selfish sinful selves could ever deserve. And for that, & much more, I will praise Him!
How can I pray for you?
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With love, G
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord