A little bit about why I am choosing to not be ashamed to be dependent on my husband & why I am proud of our interdependence with God!
A little while ago I was sitting on our couch catching up with a friend after the holidays. As our conversation went from one direction to the next we somehow (ever so briefly) landed on the topic of our dependence of our husbands. I admitted I am dependent on my husband & then immediately felt a little shame.
The thing is, based solely on outside appearances, I look completely dependent on my husband. I am a stay-at-home wife.
At this point there are probably many who will either stop reading, hang their head in shame of me, or make a comment about me being a stumbling block of equal rights in our society.
But let me be clear when I say, I AM NOT A LEECH! And being a stay at home wife or mother does not make you one.
I am as much dependent on my husband as he is dependent on me.
Our marriage is not 25/50 or even 50/50, but rather 100/100. We are both 100% dependent on each other. We are interdependent.
The ironic thing is, if I have to be gone for a few days & Roger is at home by himself I have heard him teasingly laughed at by both sides of our family. People have made comments to me like “can’t he survive a few days without you?” or “I think he can make himself breakfast for 2 days.”
People just don’t get it.
I’m not his slave. He is not my workhorse.
Our dependence is not because we are madly (infatuatedly) in love with each other. We’ve been together for nearly 8 years, our eyes are clearly open to the flaws & reality of each other.
Our dependence, is our decision.
It is a choice.
One that we made June 24, 2012 when we said “I Do.” I made a vow of oneness & interdependence (Genesis 2:23-24). I did this not because I needed to, but because I wanted to.
So why do I feel shame?
My only guess is because our culture, our society, looks down upon dependance. And a twisted form of feminism has seeped into everything.
Now don’t get me wrong. My (imaginary) daughters & sons will be raised to be independent thinkers & doers, but they will also learn the biblical meaning of marriage. That true love gives of oneself without asking for anything in return.
By example we will teach them that both partners can be financially independent, but that it is a biblical (marital) choice to share our blessings by combining our incomes. And even if blogging had not become a paying job, Roger & I would still be dependent. He would depend on me to run our home, be a Proverbs 31 wife, & to raise our children in the love & fear of God & I would (& am) depending on him not only financially, but to be an example of our heavenly Father & the spiritual leader of our Home.
The point is, no matter what our culture or society says, dependance in marriage is not inherently wrong. Rather, it is encouraged by God. My husband & I are one, with God as our cornerstone (Ephesians 2:20). We both depend deeply on each other & more importantly we depend on God (1 Corinthians 11:12).
Money, freedom, & health may all waver or cease, but our ability to choose a biblical walk with God & a biblical, dependent, oneness marriage is our own.
I have no reason to be ashamed.
This life is a beautiful journey. I praise God that while I am learning to be a Proverbs 31 wife & my husband is learning to be the spiritual head of our family we can lean on each other, & more importantly, we can depend on God.
With love, G
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
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