Are your Galentines replacing your valentine? A Biblical look at how our female friendships can affect (negatively & positively) our marriages & how we need to make our husband & marriage a priority.
I should probably start off by saying that I love Parks & Rec, waffles with loads of whipped cream, & Galentine’s Day. I even recently shared a quick & easy tutorial for creating a Galentine’s Tablescape!
But as I was writing my post about this Galentine’s Tablescape my mind started to wander, it went down a rabbit hole, & the next thing I knew I was pondering the implications of friendships on marriages.
Now obviously this post isn’t actually about a concern over your Galentine’s party or celebrating the strong female relationships in your life. But rather how we as women can easily allow ourselves to put our friends in front of or over our spouses.
Yikes, I’m barely into this post & I can already feel the hate comments & messages coming my way as I walk on eggshells to share my thoughts. Well… haters gonna hate, so I may as well smash those eggshells with my heels & dive right in!
While female relationships are important, I strongly believe in this list of priorities.
1. God 2. Husband 3. Children 4. Work 5. Extended Family
Notice how female relationships didn’t make the top 5 cut?
Yet too often we allow those friendships to overpower & disrupt our list of priorities. Whether that be by texting your friends during church, choosing a date night with your friends over one with your husband, talking to friends instead interacting with your children at the park, staying out too late with friends & not being able to focus the next day (or simply messaging each other on social media throughout the workday), or gossiping about your extended family to your besties.
I’m not pointing any fingers, (because there are always four pointing back at me). But I do believe that instead of looking around & thinking about how so & so is doing this or that, we need to look deeply into our own lives & how we are allowing ourselves to make these critical mistakes that affect our priorities list in negative ways.
But today, what I want to focus on the most, is how our female friendships can affect (negatively & positively) our marriages & how we need to make our husband & marriage a priority.
The problem is that the world (i.e. tv, movies, social media) is constantly displaying broken & dysfunctional marriages while increasingly promoting finding comfort, companionship, & support in friends rather than your spouse, children, family, or most importantly God. We can not look to the world for guidance on how to live a Biblical life (James 4:4 & Romans 12:2) & how to have a healthy Biblical marriage.
The world will continually disappoint us (Romans 3:23).
No matter how hard we try to find a perfect marriage in the world around us, to be an example as we struggle to grow our own marriages, we will not be able to find one (Romans 3:23).
And burying ourselves in our work or friends is not going to fix any problems, even if it makes us feel good temporarily.
We were not meant to find ourselves in our friends, but to cleave to our spouse & be of one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
Now I’m definitely not saying to avoid healthy friendships, but we need to make sure that we choose our friends wisely (Proverbs 12:26 & 1 Corinthians 15:33).
We need friends who share our ideals (Luke 6:31).
Friends who give us reliable advice (Proverbs 13:20 & 19:20).
Friends who build us up (Proverbs 27:17).
Friends who avoid drama & unnecessary emotional rampages (Proverbs 22:24-25).
Friends who will stick by us when life becomes unbearable (Proverbs 18:24 & Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).
Friendships that are filled with compassion & love (Colossians 3:12-14).
Friendships that support & encourage healthy Biblical marriages (Hebrews 13:4).
But even as we strive to foster healthy friendships with the women around us, what’s most important is that we do not replace our husbands or our marriages. It’s as simple as turning off your iPhone, setting aside your work, putting your kids to bed early, getting a babysitter (or trading babysitting time with a friend if your budget is tight)***, saying “not this time” to another night out with your lady squad.
And yes I know it’s always easier said than done, but making little changes here & there that become habits can go a long way in strengthening your marriage.
The more we learn to submit to God & allow Him to shape our marriage (Colossians 3:13-19), the greater our happiness as one flesh in this life will be (Genesis 2:24) as together we seek a joyful eternity.
If you are seeking more Biblical thoughts on marriage you can find more of my faith confessions here & you can also find a curated list of Bible verses on the subject of marriage by clicking here.
*** Also be sure to check with your local church. I know some churches, like our own, have a once a month marriage night where you come for a 15-minute marriage talk & then get 2 hours of free babysitting to enjoy a date together.
Do you have a favorite verse about friendships or marriage?
I’d love to hear from you!
Feel free to comment below, email me, or tweet me on Twitter.
With love, Giustina
That is why a man leaves his father and mother & is united to his wife,
& they become one flesh.