All photos taken by my sister Chas.
As wedding season comes to a close, & many newlyweds are starting to settle into their first year of marital bliss, I thought I would take the time to write a little post on How to Survive Your First Year of Marriage.
Because lets be honest newlywed bliss doesn’t exist.
Marriage takes love, faith, & a whole lot of work.
And no matter how long you dated, or prepared for marriage, nothing can truly prepare you for marriage.
During our first year & a half we worked really hard on our marriage & even though we have only been married about 3 & 1/2 years we already see a night & day difference in our marriage & are reaping the benefits!
So here are 11 things that helped us survive our first year of marriage & that I hope will help you too!
1. Keep Your Marriage Private
I know how easy it is to vent & I know it can even be therapeutic for some women, but the truth is that it can also be very damaging to your marriage.
Your husband trusts you (Proverbs 31:11), deeply trusts you.
You are not only his confidant but his greatest supporter & defender & he needs to know that he can trust you with all & in all.
Trust can be so easily & quickly lost during idle chit chat & venting. Even if you think what you said behind closed doors won’t reach him you are breaking his trust.
Respect is so very important to men & to God (Ephesians 5:33) & by keeping our marriages private we are not only respecting our husband but showing others that they should respect him as well (Proverbs 31:23).
2. Communicate with Your Husband & God
If you have a problem or an issue it isn’t going to be resolved by talking about it with others. The problem will only be resolved through prayer & discussion with your husband.
If you need to vent or calm down before talking to your husband, instead of going to your friends or family why not try journaling, better yet, a prayer journal.
Pour your heart out to your best friend & Father. Ask for guidance, a pure heart, clear mind, understanding, & selflessness. He will give you the peace, comfort, & strength you need to resolve any problem that might arise in your marriage.
As many of you know, over the last few year I have been working on not bottling things up & learning to communicate better. I even have a whole post about communication & Arguing with an End Goal.
And one more really important thing about communicating, it’s not just for when there is a problem. It’s important to regularly & genuinely uplift your husband, especially in his love language.
(Ephesians 4:2-3)
3. Take the Time to Understand
Of course your marriage is not one sided. Once you have calmly opened your heart to your husband, don’t forget to take the time to listen & understand him too.
No matter how masculine or brave your husband is, he still desires to be loved, cherished, & respected. He has his own unique & individual needs & wants, just like you!
If you both take the time to listen & understand one another love & trust will naturally grow in your marriage.
4. Date Your Spouse
On a lighter note one of the simplest ways to stay connected, that will naturally bring about a desire to talk & listen to each others deepest needs, is by dating!
Although Roger & I do enjoy the traditional dinner & a movie we often find ourselves turning everything into a date!
Some of our most random (& crazy fun) dates have included hoping in the car (on a late Saturday night after watching a movie or two) & driving to a local McDonald’s in our pjs to split a hot fudge sunday.
Dating your husband doesn’t have to be a big, extravagant, or expensive ordeal. It’s simply about taking the time out of your busy lives to reconnect & remember your love.
ps Here are 50 fun fall date ideas to enjoy this fall!
5. Disconnect & Reconnect
In an age when we as humans are connected more than ever before, it is a sad realization to discover how truly disconnected we are. We can go to dinner, watch a movie, go on a walk, & be connected with everyone & everything & yet nothing at all.
So while dating your spouse is great, unless you are able to disconnect from all the distractions it will be impossible for you to reconnect with your husband.
But believe me when I say, I am preaching to the choir on this one.
This is probably the most difficult for me. I love you all so much & I love to stay connected with you, but I love my husband more.
And even though my heart knows the truth, I must continually remind my mind to allow my heart to direct my actions.
6. Begin & End the Day in Prayer
The power & peace that comes from beginning & ending each day with prayer is beyond words.
Before we started dating we prayed, through our entire dating relationship we prayed, & as we grew closer we would even end each night on the phone in prayer.
And in marriage we have continued this special tradition, except now we get to pray together in bed. Oh the perks of marriage!
We also begin our morning together in prayer before Roger leaves for the morning.
My connection & relationship with my husband has grown deeper & stronger over the years simply through the gift of prayer.
7. Learn Selflessness
One of the biggest lessons I learned during my first year of marriage was selflessness. Now I’m not saying I’m completely selfless now, but boy was there a steep learning curve for me during our first year of marriage.
I spent many a night in silent tears wondering what was wrong. Wrong with me, wrong with my husband, wrong with our marriage.
But learning selflessness wasn’t easy & is a continual battle for me, especially when I don’t keep my priorities straight.
And only true love can come from selflessness.
(1 Peter 4:8)
8. Keep Your Priorities Straight
I can try with all of my heart to put my husband first, but I know that without God it is impossible.
I must daily surrender myself & my marriage to God & ask Him to come into my heart & mind.
When I put God on the back burner of my life I can clearly see everything else in my life begin to crumble. Usually it’s a slow fade & I don’t eve realize it until I have created a huge mess.
However, when I continually put God first & foremost in my life I can clearly see the beauty in my marriage as it blossoms in God’s loving care.
(Ecclesiastics 4:12)
9. Read Together
One of the many things my husband & I did together that greatly enhanced our marriage was to read together.
While my husband has never been a bookworm like me (huge understatement) he has always enjoyed listening to me read.
Of course the best book to read together is the Bible.
Another book that greatly strengthened our first year of marriage was Redeeming Love
And if you didn’t read The 5 Love Languages
10. Finances
Sharing finances for the first time isn’t going to be easy, especially if one of you is a saver while the other is a spender.
So don’t let finacies become the elephant in the room.
Talk it over. Make a plan. Stick to your plan.
If you have need or concern, take some time at the beginning of each month to go over last months successes & struggles & to remind yourselves of your financial goals.
But don’t let it monopolize your every thought & conversation.
Stay open through communication (#2) & remain united as one (Genesis 2:24).
11. Partnership for Eternity
Remember, you are now one flesh (Mark 10:6-9).
You are one with your husband.
And when you (together you) are one with God not even death shall part you.
So don’t hope to survive your first year of marriage. Learn to thrive.
And as the years pass you can hold to the promise of growing young together for eternity.
Want to connect on a more personal level!? You can find me & Domestically Blissful on
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With love, G
Therefore a man shall leave his father & his mother & hold fast to his wife,
& they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
More Confessions from Domestically Blissful
What a beautiful post, Giustina, you are definitely wise beyond your years! I’ve been married over 10 years and I think your advice is timeless and that any married person could benefit from it. You also clearly have a wonderful knowledge and mastery of scripture – don’t feel like you have to “take the bait” from anyone who challenges that. The photos your sister took are also beautiful and I’m happy to have discovered your blog today ~ Cheers:)
Thank you so much Stephanie for your kind & uplifting comment!
I hadn’t expected this to be a controversial piece & was really caught off guard.
Thank you again for your encouragement & support!! 🙂
Hello! I stumbled upon this on pinterest. I thought it was a very lovely read, having been married for just under 11 months now! So close! XD I’m very interested in ready your other posts.
Now, having just come across your blog, I don’t know what “flavor” (shall we say) of Christianity you go by. However, in my understanding of the Bible I would say number 11 doesn’t stand up to the Word of God. While I’m totally good with the one flesh thing, I take issue with eternity. I’m thinking of Matthew 22:23-33, Mark 12:18-27, and Luke 20:27-40.
Here the sadducees are trying to humiliate and trick Jesus. They present a what-if situation of the widow that married 7 brothers. Sadducees do not believe in the resurrection and I believe they used this what-if scenario as an example against the resurrection. The story is, a woman’s husband died without leaving her any children. According to Jewish law she was to marry her husband’s brother to provide heirs to the deceased brother (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). Well, this brother died as well, so she married a third brother. And so on and so forth until she had gone through 7 of them.
The sadducees then ask, in the resurrection, which of the brothers will she be the wife of?
Jesus responded as such (from Matthew), “Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.”
So, my position and understanding is that we are not married for eternity, but until death, just like traditional vows state.
Hello Kara!
Congratulations on your marriage! 🙂
I have been married for about 3 & 1/2 years & I love it!
While I am not a theologian, I do enjoy studying the Bible & learning of God’s love. This is a pretty deep topic, one that could be discussed in a full length post, but I will try to keep my response short. Because while I do not want to get into any kind of heated discussion, I did want to respond on why I believe marriage is eternal.
That being said, I do believe that marriage will be different once sin is irradiated, just as marriage was different & perfect before the fall of man.
What’s interesting about these scriptures in Matthew 22:23-22, Mark 12:18-27, & Luke 20:27-40 (which are all essentially the same thing just written by different men), is that Jesus prefaces His statement about marriage with one about humans misunderstanding scripture.
Thus, we need to be careful about basing everything on one specific text/instance.
So for starters we need to also read the whole chapter in context.
This wasn’t a deep discussion about marriage in heaven, nor were they really interested in the subject, & Jesus knew this.
The Pharisees, Sadducees, & scribes were trying to “entangle” Jesus, Jesus saw right through them, & answered accordingly.
Secondly, it is important to test & compare any verse that is debatable (or could be misinterpreted) to the Bible as a whole, & other texts about marriage & love, in order to get to a better perspective of God’s teachings.
If we start at the beginning (Genesis 1 & 2) we discover that marriage was created by God, as a gift of love to us humans, before the fall of man.
We can also note that marriage continued after the fall.
God created marriage as a perfect gift before the fall of man. Even after sin He did not withhold this good gift. How much greater this good gift will be treasured when sin is no more (Psalms 84:11).
We know that God does not change (Psalm 33:11, Malachi 3:6, Exodus 3:14 – the list goes on & on).
We know that marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4).
We know that Jesus not only condoned marriage, but that He celebrated marriage while on earth (John 2:1-11).
We also know that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).
As we can see marriage was not only sanctioned by God, but created by Him in love, & not meant to be ended or withheld.
Thus, when reading the conversation between the Pharisees, Sadducees, scribes, & Jesus, with the understanding that this was a discussion led by those who intended to trick Jesus, that is prefaced with a note on our human tendency to misunderstand scripture (which is why it is important to test all scripture in context & along with other verses on the topic), & with the knowledge of all the above verses (plus so much more that it would take a whole post to discuss), I am convicted that God’s word is everlasting & that when He says two become one flesh He means it.
Marriage is founded on love & God is love.
I pray you have a blessed day! 🙂
Thank you for the reply! I hope you do not mind me continuing to wish to discuss it. I, as well, do not want to get into a heated discussion. Nor do I want to offend you. But I absolutely love discussing theology. It was while I was discussing theology with atheist friends in college that I realize my huge weakness in understanding scripture. It awoke a deep need to read God’s Word. And ever since I have loved Bible discussion because it helps me realize where I need to learn more. So, once again I do not wish to offend or upset you. Please let me know after this reply if you would like to continue the discussion. ^_^ I won’t be offended or upset if you don’t.
You are correct that the Sadducees (and this was the Sadducees only asking, not all of them, the groups had very different religious views) were trying to trick Jesus. They were trying to make him either deny the resurrection and pit him against the Pharisees (the Pharisees did believe in the resurrection) or make him mess up and stumble by trying to pick a brother. Why would one, according to scripture, be more her husband than any other. She never had children with any of them. Was she not equally one flesh with all of them? She legally married all of them and had relations with all of them. And even if the conversation as a whole was not geared towards a discussion of marriage, Jesus does not lie. He can’t. Jesus said, “For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.” (Matthew) Jesus said, “For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.” (Mark) “And Jesus answering said unto them, ‘The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage: Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection.’” (Luke) This isn’t taking what Jesus said out of context. There are no “buts” or “howevers.” Jesus answered their question, he wasn’t stumped and he didn’t ignore them. He truthfully answered their question. To say otherwise would be to say Jesus lied.
If we do go with your premise, marriage is eternal, what is your answer for the Sadducees? Which of the brothers is the widow married to in heaven?
How can your answer differ than the truth of Jesus?
Even Paul writes that marriage is dissolved at death. Romans 7:2-3, “For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.” 1 Corinthians 7:39, “A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”
All of your other versus are true! Marriage is good. Jesus condoned marriage. God does not change. However, WE will be changed. (1 Corinthians 15:52) After the resurrection we will gain our perfect bodies. Jesus will rule in the Millennial kingdom and then after there will be a New Heaven and New Earth. (Isaiah 65:17, 2 Peter 3:13, Revelation 21:1) The things of this world will be no more and we will be as the angels in heaven. We will be with God for all eternity. What purpose would marriage serve in the new world? We will not be joining in one flesh to create children.
Now, we will be united with our loved ones in heaven. Even King David knew this as he writes in 2 Samuel 12:23 of his dead child, “But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.” And maybe we do keep a special relationship with our spouses in heaven. How could we not being so close and bound to them? Who knows. But things will definitely be different then. I don’t think we can even comprehend with our worldly mind. But we will be in the presence of God Himself! The marriage of the Lamb to the Church will have been completed. I think we will be too busy worshiping the Lord and glorifying Him as he deserves. God’s Word is everlasting, but our flesh and the things of this world are not.
And thank you again for replying! And thank you for writing of your faith! It is sorely needed in this world and is a joy to read. Please take this not as an attack, but as one Christian to another wishing to discuss and fellowship about the Word of God.
I LOVE this list! I’ve been married for only 2 months and I’m already seeing how important all these are. Marriage is hard, but I think it’s so important to get these down as habits early on in the relationship so that when stresses come up the relationship doesn’t crumble under the strain!
I think also it’s just important to stay friends. Don’t let the relationship just become cooking and sex–remember why you love the person. Just talk, hang out together with friends, and spend time just cuddling and feeling close. That’s what we’re making an effort to keep doing, no matter what. 🙂
Btw, your pictures are so cute! 🙂
Rebecca Lindenbach
Thanks Rebecca!!
I agree, marriage is hard, but so worth it when you are married to your best friend!
It sounds like you are off to a wonderful start & a beautiful marriage! 🙂
ps. I feel like we have a lot in common & I am enjoying getting to know you & your blog! 🙂