Photo by Chas Petersen
At the end of every fight, battle, and war one side is declared a winner, while their opposed is called the loser. Although it seems pretty straight forward, the loser has to pay reprimands to the gloating victor, but the truth is, nothing is ever that simple – especially in relationships and what relationship doesn’t have their disagreements. BTW if you say you never fight/argue/disagree with your spouse you either are 1 in a billion or one of you is unhealthily subdued. Sad but true. We are selfish humans living in a sinful world. Also if you are dating or engaged and are hoping for the perfect marriage, let me just go ahead and tell you that this will never happen. You can however have a beautiful marriage where you both learn and grow together in God’s love. – Sorry end of segway.
We all like to be winners, especially in one-on-one battles, but in a relationship winning always comes at a price, especially when your spouse is the loser. In Genesis 2:24 we learn that when a man and wife are joined they “become one flesh.” The key word here is ONE. While some might see this as a burden, I can’t help but praise God for this wonderful gift. This of course is no ordinary present that can be tossed aside, but one that is to be treasured and preserved. When you become one with your spouse “fighting” should never occur. Yes, you will have disagreements, but fighting is a whole other level that is unhealthy for relationships or friendships, or even family for that matter.
There is only one goal in a fight – to win. Howerver, in marriage there is no such thing as one winner. As one flesh you either both win or you both lose. You might feel like the winner (or loser) of an argument, but if you are fighting for selfish purposes and not for the betterment of your spouse and marriage, you will both lose. Maybe not right away, but with an entire array of “winners” and “losers,” the battles will become longer, more extensive, and the wounds will grow deeper without time to heal.
Although fighting and arguing are something we try to avoid in our marriage we aren’t always Domestically Blissful – like the pun? We do have our disagrements. Some small – like over the need for a weather alert system – and some large – which often are best kept between the two of you. On another side note, it might be fun or even feel good to talk about it with your girlfriends over lunch, however you never want to break your husband’s (or wife’s) trust. Keep the private and intimate details of your life just that – private. Your family, friends, and co-workers don’t need to know the details of what is between you, your spouse, and God. Ok second tangent over. The point is when you have a disagreement or are upset about something don’t wait (preaching to the choir), get it out in the open with your advisary, talk it out calmly and rationally and come to a decision and conclusion together. When feelings get hurt, walls go up, and when walls go up they can be hard to break down.
Fighting with your spouse is never good, but if you aren’t fighting for each other – for your marriage – you are fighting against it.