The Beauty and Pain of Pregnancy and the peaceful hope that comes from God.
The gift of being pregnant is beautiful, but that doesn’t mean it is perfect or always easy.
The reality is that the beauty and pain of pregnancy come hand in hand.
And I felt them both these last 72 hours.
When Roger took these photos of me on Sabbath, I felt beautiful (albeit big) and eager/nervous about what was to come in the next 9+ weeks.
Then Saturday night, things began to take a turn downhill, and by Sunday, I was in all kinds of pain.
I had heard the third trimester could be as bad as the first trimester, but I wasn’t expecting what I experienced yesterday.
And it definitely brought back memories of the unexpected experiences I had during my first trimester.
Although, I didn’t share a lot about my first trimester experiences, as I was honestly afraid to share all of the ups and downs that come with being pregnant for the first time, especially at 30.
But even though I didn’t share, I continued to write just in case I ever did feel up to sharing.
I found this in the notes on my phone from the beginning of March. I had planned to share this but never did until now:
I feel like I’ve completely lost myself in this pregnancy. I was able to accomplish more with our two foster girls last fall (one teething + crawling, the other with high energy + in kindergarten) than I have in recent weeks. Those girls kept me so busy, I lost 8 pounds in 7 weeks, and yet I still managed to work and find creative outlets in my job. And now I find myself always tired, randomly dizzy, with increasing nausea the more I try to work on my computer or phone. This is not a complaint, simply a confession of where I am at. I’m used to posting on my website 3+ times a week, and now I struggle with just posting on Instagram. So many people want to know the reality, but prefer to see the pretty curated pictures. So here is both. I’ve always tried my best to keep it real and honest with you, both here and on my blog. And I’ve struggled for weeks on how to do that when I wasn’t ready to announce this gift of pregnancy. I feel honored and blessed to be this child’s mom. I pray continually throughout the day for this child and that I will be a good mom that raises him or her to know the true love of God. Although that doesn’t make this first trimester any easier, it is a wonderful way of remembering that this child belongs to God. My time carrying and raising this child will only last so long and in a blink of an eye, they will be grown up and having children of their own. So now, I will exist patiently as I wait for this season of life to blossom into something unimaginably beautiful.
And here I am again, in August feeling all kinds of things I didn’t expect, holding on to hope.
Yesterday I experienced Braxton Hicks contractions for the first time, and oh my, were they strong!
And on top of them, I had strong cramping, like intense period cramps, that had an unexpected effect that had me running to the bathroom way too many times (praise God there hasn’t been any bleeding!).
The problem was that I didn’t have easy access to a bathroom because we were driving home from Ohio with Roger’s parents.
Is all of that TMI?
If it is, I do apologize, but there are just so many things I didn’t expect or know I would experience during pregnancy.
Like varicose veins and how they can pop up (literally) in places north of your legs. Like what!?
The back pain I expected, that’s something I deal with normally, especially when I’m cramping, but the random itchy rash that covered my stomach, chest, and arms while in Florida was definitely a surprise.
I had heard about intense heartburn, but not to the point where you are at the point of vomiting (I won’t go into more details there…).
Also, I regularly fear this baby is going to burst straight out of my belly with how intensely he pushes on the area around my belly button (which is no longer inverted).
While all of these may sound like complaints, the reality is that I wouldn’t trade this pregnancy for anything, and I feel like we should be able to share both the beauty, joy, heartache, and pain of pregnancy.
I’m extra grateful for this baby because I honestly didn’t think that a biological child was in our future and I had almost fully let go of that dream.
Even after being pregnant for 30+ weeks Roger and I still turn to each other and say, “Can you believe I (you) are pregnant?!”
This pregnancy and this child are such magnificent gifts from God.
But even the Bible clearly shares the reality of childbearing, so it’s not like all of this pain is unexpected.
To the woman he said,Genesis 3:16 NIV
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
As a pregnant woman about to give birthIsaiah 26:17-18 NIV
writhes and cries out in her pain,
so were we in your presence, Lord.
We were with child, we writhed in labor,
but we gave birth to wind.
We have not brought salvation to the earth,
and the people of the world have not come to life.
But just as the Bible expresses the pain we will feel in pregnancy and childbirth, it also brings us hope of what’s to come afterward.
A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.John 16:21 NIV
We must continue believing that God is creating something beautiful and wonderful inside of us.
For you created my inmost being;Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
And we can hold on to the truth that our lives and this little one’s life are in His hands.
For you created my inmost being;Psalm 139:13 NIV
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Yes, pregnancy is painful. Pregnancy is scary. Pregnancy is unpredictable. And pregnancy is hard.
But also, pregnancy is beautiful. Pregnancy is a gift. Pregnancy is redemptive (1 Timothy 2:14-15) Pregnancy is hope. And pregnancy is joy.
Although the end of my pregnancy experience is still yet unknown, I will cling to God and His promises of hope to see me and our precious baby through the rest of this journey.
And as I enter into week 31 tomorrow I pray that God will bless this child and guide us as we become parents (once again) so that we know how to lead His precious child towards eternity with Him.
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With love, Giusti
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3 NKJV